I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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