Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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