Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
