Soap is not a condiment
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
