The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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