he thought i was a dude.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Im part way to drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
