I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
