i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
