Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
