it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize