god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this boner is exhausting
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
