The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
