Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
