She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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