I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
