is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
