Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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