I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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