thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
