Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
