It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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