the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
