Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
