everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
