Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
