maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
