I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
