Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
