i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
