that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your penis caused this!
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