did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
