Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
