oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
