If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
