508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
