I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
