Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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