Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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