i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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