This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She told me I should be a condom model.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
