even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
