I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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