Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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