Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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