im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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