Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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