I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
