i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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