I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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