why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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