I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
