Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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