I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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