why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
