We're like a lot better than the average bears
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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