it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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