I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
