I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
