That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
