i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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