READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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