I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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