I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
