I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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