Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
