before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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