I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
