Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
