We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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