The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I died a long time ago.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it hurts more in the daytime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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