Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
