Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
