i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
this hospital has no fireball
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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