Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
