Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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