The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
